I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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