Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
