gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We left the knife in your bed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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