I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
