Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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