We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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