Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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