woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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