Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
