Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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