I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
