WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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