he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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