this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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