Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize