our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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