when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
