they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
