Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
