you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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