Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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