Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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