dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
