Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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