Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
