Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
