...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
