My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
