i can't believe i had my finger in that
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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