Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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