dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
