Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
