My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
