I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
