I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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