the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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