yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I need to stop coming to work sober
operation harelip BJ is a go
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize