R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
