You don't have asthma, your pregnant
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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