I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
