Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
