1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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