Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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