I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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