Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
