Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
