there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
