She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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