I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
