Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
