I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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