The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
