I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
