actually, I'm a sock model
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
