we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
