Please, let me fuck your mom
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
