this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
