quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
