I CAN MOONWALK!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
