I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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