i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
