i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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