Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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