I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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