i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
