I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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