I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My bed smells like the plague
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