so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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