He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
