Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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