Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
