we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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